Friday, February 03, 2006
Jack Bauer > Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is soooooooooo last month... here's why:
In response to the Chuck Norris thread
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's definitely fucking beef.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
If you spell Jack Bauer in a Scrabble game, you win. Forever.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
Jack Bauer can order a Big Mac at Burger King.
Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
Jack Bauer laughs at the movie Mission Impossible. There is no such thing as an impossible mission for Jack.
Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead."
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
No man has ever used the phrase, "Jack Bauer is a pussy" in a sentence and lived to tel.........
You walk into a bar and Jack Bauer's your wingman, you're probably gonna get laid.
It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
Only Jack Bauer knows whats going to happen at the end of Day 5. In order to keep it a secret, he killed Kiefer Sutherland
In response to the Chuck Norris thread
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's definitely fucking beef.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
If you spell Jack Bauer in a Scrabble game, you win. Forever.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
Jack Bauer can order a Big Mac at Burger King.
Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
Jack Bauer laughs at the movie Mission Impossible. There is no such thing as an impossible mission for Jack.
Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead."
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
No man has ever used the phrase, "Jack Bauer is a pussy" in a sentence and lived to tel.........
You walk into a bar and Jack Bauer's your wingman, you're probably gonna get laid.
It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
Only Jack Bauer knows whats going to happen at the end of Day 5. In order to keep it a secret, he killed Kiefer Sutherland
# posted by Lord Mayor @ 3:03 PM 
